Lunchmeat and Other Unholy Things We Eat

Last Updated on August 3, 2018 by Terry

I was listening to the radio recently and as normal there were as many ads as content. I simply change stations as soon as ads come on, I don’t listen to advertisers. If I want their product I will go to the store and get it. I am not going to spend any of my time listening to someone attempting to separate me from my money.

But, this particular day, as I switched around I heard a mention of a company that I spend money with. It is a very famous meat product supplier. Their sausage is the only brand I buy. You can compare them with any other brand, when you cook up a pound of their sausage versus any other brand, you have more sausage left in their pan. It’s simply better. Carla and I do not eat breakfast sausage but we cook with it. Chili, spaghetti sauce, and other things. It is more flavorful than ground beef.

Their bacon is absolutely the best. It’s a little pricey but it is better. They have the most famous ham on the market. Again, it’s too high but it is the best. (Remember that he said it was too high)

Anyway, I stopped at that radio station to see what they were saying about their meats. They were trying to get me to buy some lunch meat. All meat companies good and bad make lunch meat. It’s not very healthy but just about everyone has eaten processed lunch meat. Many people eat it every week. Most of it is absolutely gross. We all know it is made from meat scraps. It’s mixed in a giant vat, a steaming pot of goo. The best cuts of the animal are packaged as itself. Chicken breasts, pork chops, steak, we know what that looks like. We understand that if they used the best cuts to make lunch meat, the price would be unaffordable. Therefore we will continue to eat processed lunch meat and try not to think about it. The less we know about how it’s made, the better off we are.

I was thinking about some of the lunch meats I have eaten. I had to stop writing for a few minutes to regain my composure as simply thinking about some of the vomitus things I have eaten brought on a little dizziness.

I made a short list:

• SPAM – No, no one knows what that is. The acronym says it all: Something Posing As Meat.
• Smoked turkey, ham, and roast beef – It’s made from the scraps from turkeys, pigs, and cows.
• Braunschweiger – This is embarrassing. Bottom of the barrel for lunch meat. I was afraid to look up the ingredients. It’s called liver sausage, makes you shudder just thinking about it. If you make a sandwich of this stuff, use extra mayo to cover the taste.
• And of course: hot dogs and bologna – They are made from the same vat of goo. Only difference is that bologna has more garlic than hot dogs. I have witnessed these two items being made. It is disgusting. If you must eat this, please get all beef. There isn’t real meat in chicken hot dogs or bologna.

And how about that little can of potted meat? SPAM or braunschweiger is a step up from that $#@^$! The first item listed is pork tripe. Who doesn’t want to add pig stomachs to your diet? Simply reading this label has caused people to throw up.

Did you make your own list? Did you try to convince yourself that you only get the “GOOD” brands? Sorry, they all are made the same way with the same ingredients.

And your so called “GOOD” brand, you stand in line at the deli and can’t wait to pay $11 to $12 a pound for it. And it is made from the same scraps as the cheaper versions of processed un-meats. The best pork chops are half this price. And ribeye’s are a similar price as the formed loaf you just bought. Don’t be fooled by the shape. The ones that aren’t square, they form it that way on purpose to make it look presentable. I assure you it is stirred in a giant pot. That’s what processed means! The best real ham on the market is one fourth of the cost of the un-meat you just drooled over. Remember earlier I said that the best ham is too high, it’s around $3 per pound and it’s real! Are we really this stupid? Unfortunately, yes.

Have you tried Liver Loaf? What is that white band around it? I think it’s some type of animal waste. (Pause. I’m a little dizzy.)

Let’s get back to the radio ad. On this particular day, this fine company was hawking “Mock Chicken Loaf.” I’m pretty sure that means “Fake Chicken Loaf”, right? Mock and fake can be used interchangeably. So let’s call it what it is, fake.

Now, let’s start with your normal chicken loaf. The main ingredient is chicken scraps. Remember, the real parts of a chicken are breasts, legs, thighs, and wings. Those are in their own package at the store. When you remove these cuts from the chicken, what you have left are scraps. They are not going to grind up a perfect chicken breast to make a compressed square loaf of meat. (Pause to shudder.) Even the shape is disgusting and can make you woozy.

So, what is fake chicken loaf? What is less than chicken scraps? Well, I had to know so I logged on and typed it in. I found their web site and they listed the ingredients for their fake chicken loaf:

INGREDIENTS: (parentheses are my comments)

• Pork: (Which part of the pig? They already pickle the snout and feet, so what’s left to put in this formula?)
• Water: (Soaked with water for weight, they sell processed meats by the pound.) (Plus, they must liquefy it in order for it to be stirred in the vat as it is processed. Wow, how do you unthink that picture?)
• Beef: (Again, which part of a cow are they using? They don’t pickle the cow’s snout, so, maybe?)
• Bacon cured with: water, salt, sodium phosphates, sugar, hydrolyzed soy protein, sodium erythorbate, (I looked this one up: helps prevent rancidity, and prevents color fading of sliced meats…so it’s simply a preservative.) flavorings, (Flavorings? What flavorings? If simply claiming flavorings as an ingredient, why not just say “Flavorings” as the entire list of ingredients?) sodium nitrite

  So, this is not the normal curing ingredients for curing bacon? Makes you wonder. (Pause. Must stop wondering, makes me woozy.)

• Modified oat product: (Which part of the oat? The stalk? Seeds? What?) (And what does modified mean? And why would I want meat waste in my oatmeal? Or for that matter, oat meal in my meat waste?)
• Corn syrup solids: (Corn syrup is a liquid. Do they leave the lid off the jar until it hardens? What does corn syrup solids mean? Scrap from making corn syrup? By-product floating in the syrup?) (I’m not sure what by-product even means.)

And up to 2% of the following:

• Potassium lactate
• Salt
• Flavorings: (Here we go again. Are these special flavorings plant based? Animal waste? Insect goo? Please tell us, don’t leave us hanging.)
• Pork broth: (I can only imagine what that looks like in the vat. Look, I can see stuff floating in the goo pan! Pause.)
• Sodium phosphates
• Sodium diacetate: (I read the definition and still don’t know what it means.)
• Monosodium glutamate: (Quote from definition-MSG is used in the food industry as a flavor enhancer with an umami taste.) (I looked up umami – “savory” taste. News flash: fake chicken loaf is anything but savory!)
• Sodium nitrite

What? No chicken? None. There is nothing that resembles chicken in fake chicken loaf. I reckon that is how it got its name.

I’m going to have to really pause now. I’m feeling sickly so I will try to finish tomorrow.

Ok, it’s the next day so let me finish this and move on to the next story.

The name of the product is mock/fake chicken loaf. So, let me get this straight, they make chicken loaf out of chicken scraps and now they make fake chicken loaf out of something that is less than chicken scraps. That’s amazing! I would have never known that you can take less than chicken scraps and make something edible.

I wonder how many slices you have to ingest in order to spend about an hour in the bathroom. I’m guessing no more than two, sliced on a setting of # two. (He said # two.) If you consume any of this or similar products you may have to be rushed to the bathroom and if that doesn’t work, then to the E.R. to get your stomach pumped.

Really, if you eat any of this and think about how it is made, there is a 73% probability   that you will throw up.

Now, go directly to your fridge and throw out all the unholy things inside. It can add years to your life!